The Film Guide - I Love/Hate the Fuzz

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I Love/Hate the Fuzz

I was talking to my colleague Matt Matyas on the way to In-N-Out the other day and he told me that he had never, never, been pulled over by the cops.

I then proceeded to tell my young colleague about the numerous times I had had the misfortune of being at the receiving end of the long arm of the law.

I Love the Fuzz

Back when I lived in Orange County, I pretty much kept to myself. Now whether that was due to me trying to plumb the shallow depths of my soul in isolation or to the fact that I did not have any friends in the area is open to debate; but needless to say, my weekends were spent window shopping at South Coast Plaza.

Everything changed when I got Santino (my Salsa Red 2005 Prius) and I proceeded to hightail it to Los Angeles every chance I got. It was on one of those little jaunts that I made the mistake of hanging out with my old friend Aniket Khosla.

The reason I say it was a mistake was because he just happened to have a little movie called The Changeling (1980) lying around at home. And since Aniket challenged my manhood, I had no option but to watch it.

Oh boy.

90 minutes later, I was scared out of my mind and wanted to get back home to a place where I knew I could sleep with all the lights on.

Thankfully, for once the 405 was not jammed with broken heroes and I gunned Santino on a last chance power drive (gunned…well Santino is a hybrid, so I use that term loosely).

So there I was, sprung from a cage out on highway 405, recycled-material wheeled, battery-powered and steppin’ out over the line, when, from out of nowhere, blue lights flashed in my rearview mirror.

It was the fuzz!

I pulled over and the Officer came up to my window rather warily. I had my license and registration ready to go and handed them to him before he had a chance to say anything.

“Where’re you coming from son?” he asked (suspiciously I might add).

“Um, Westwood, Officer,” I replied.

“You were going pretty fast back there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You were swerving in and out of your lane. Have you been drinking?”

“No, Officer, it’s just that I’m…um…a little…uh…scared.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m a little scared and I wanted to get home as soon as possible.”

“How come?”

“It’s just that I made the mistake of watching a really scary movie…”

“Really? Which one?”

“It’s an old movie…not sure if you’ve heard of it…The Changeling…”

“No way! I used to love that movie!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, scary. Back before they overloaded everything with fancy special effects.”

“I think that makes it even scarier.”

“Oh man, and George C. Scott was great.”

“Just great.”

“They just don’t make ‘em like they used to huh?”

“You’re tellin’ me.”

“You know what was another underrated horror movie, John Carpenter’s The Thing.”

“Really. My friends keep telling me I should watch it.”

“Netflix it when you get home.”

“I will Officer.”

“The Changeling…now that brings back some memories…”

He handed my license (and registration) back to me, and curiously, did not take out his little ticket book.

“Well, Son, try to drive home safely now. Keep within your lane. Don’t speed.”

“Thank you Officer.”

I couldn’t believe it. He was going to let me go! I started pulling my window up when he stopped and turned to look at me.

Oh no. Just when I had gotten my hopes up, just when things were going well for me for once, just when….

“And Son…”

“Yes, Officer?”

“Don’t forget about The Thing.”

And with that he was gone and I continued on my journey, a little less scared, a little more comforted by this small act of human kindness.

Man, I love the Fuzz.

I Hate the Fuzz

Fast forward a few years and I am now living in Hermosa Beach, but continuing to work in Irvine, which is some 40 miles away, even though there is a regional office about 10 miles away from where I live. Why? Well, apparently The Man thinks that my physical presence in my team’s cubicle is essential to the work we do and is an invaluable contributing factor to our team spirit.

To be fair to The Man, it only takes me about 15 minutes more to make it to the Irvine office than it does to the one about 10 miles away.

How is this possible?

Well, I have become what you might call the proverbial Angry Commuter.

I am the guy you see tailgating anyone going less than 75; changing lanes at the drop of a hat; speeding mercilessly (speeding……well Santino is a hybrid, so I use that term loosely); and generally being a terror to those just out for a joyride down the Great American Highway.

It was Friday. It was six o’clock in the early evening. The 405 highway was indeed jammed with broken heroes on the proverbial last chance power drive. I was stuck in the fast lane going very, very slow. To my left was the Promised Land – the shiny, mostly empty, High Occupancy Vehicle Lane.

Like every Promised Land, this one was jealously guarded by the most frustrating barrier known to the Angry Commuter – the Double Yellow Line.

It was bumper-to-bumper traffic. It was hot. The music on the radio was terrible. It had been a long week that had gone by way too fast. I was irritated. The High Occupancy Vehicle Lane entrance may as well have been fifty miles away at the rate we were going.

I had to make a decision. I could either Cowboy Up and stick it out with the rest of my commuting brethren or I could take the easy way out and try to break through the barrier separating me from the Promised Land.

Of course I took the easy way out.

I swerved left and before the other drivers had a chance to catch their breath, I was sprung from my cage out on Highway 405, and boy, was I steppin’ all over that Double Yellow Line.

I was cruising down the Promised Land, the wind in my hair (well not really, they haven’t yet made a Hybrid Convertible), a smile on my lips. Life was good.

And it was then that I saw the familiar flashing blue lights.

I slowly made my way over across all the lanes (I tried to avoid eye-contact with all the smirks I passed) and settled on the shoulder. I handed my license and registration to the Policeman and grimly awaited my fate.

“Why’re you in the High Occupancy Vehicle Lane?” he asked (somewhat unexpectedly).

“Excuse me?”

“The High Occupancy Vehicle Lane, by definition as one might expect, is for High Occupancy Vehicles only. You seem to be driving by yourself.”

I was a little confused. What was he talking about?

“Uh, Officer, well, as you can see, this is a Hybrid vehicle, and Hybrid vehicles are allowed in the High Occupancy Vehicle Lane.”

“Correction, Hybrids with stickers.”

Oh….now I saw what he was talking about. And just like that the tension left my body and a smile spread across my face.

I reached for my glove compartment and immediately the Policeman took a step back and reached for his holster.

“Hey…what’re you doing?!”

The tension returned real quick.

“Uh, reaching for my glove compartment. My stickers are in there.”

“You should have said that in first place. I could have shot you – this is LA my boy. Now, slowly open the glove compartment…no sudden movements, and hand me the documents.”

My hands shaking, my brow sweating, my heart palpitating, I reached for that envelope from the DMV and handed it to the Policeman. He looked inside and fished out the familiar garish yellow stickers.

“These are supposed to be on the outside of your car, not in your glove compartment.”

“I’m sorry Officer. I had to have my bumpers replaced, and haven’t had a chance to put the new stickers back on.”

He handed back my stickers.

“Technically, I could still give you a ticket…”

Oh man. Just when things were going well for me for once, just when….

“But I’m going to let you off with a warning this time. Put the stickers on as soon as you get back home.”

“I will Officer. Thank you.”

“Have a nice day young man.”

He began to move away from Santino. I sighed with relief and laughed.

“Oh man, I’m so relieved, I thought you’d pulled me over for…”

Oh no, Basu you idiot!

The Policeman stopped in his tracks and walked back over to me.

“For what?”

I tried mumbling something, but the words were having a hard time escaping my lips.

“Speak up Son, I can’t hear you.”

“I thought you’d pulled me over for crossing over the Double Yellow Line.”

This time it was the Policeman who sighed, and sadly shook his head.

He took out the dreaded book and wrote me out a ticket.

“From your shirt I take it you work for [a very famous technology company]?” he asked while handing me that horrid little slip of paper.

“Yes,” I said, very, very sadly.

“Something tells me you’re not an engineer.”

“No Officer, I’m not.”

“I’m not surprised.”

And with that he was gone.

I eased out of the shoulder, back into the unyielding world of my fellow commuters, cursing my Fate.

Man, I hate the Fuzz.

The basu! Guide to the Movies

(The India-Are-World-Champions! Edition)

21 September – 28 September 2007

The b! List

Ten things that are the best, ever (currently)!

1. The Indian Cricket Team. The Boys (literally, the average age was 22) beat both Australia and Pakistan to win the inaugural Twenty20 World Cup. Say it with me now: “We…are…the…champions…” (And no, I haven’t being paying attention to the hiding they are currently getting at the hands of Australia back in India). http://tinyurl.com/yvp8u2

2. Vampire Weekend. You heard it here first…well technically, you probably saw that little sidebar in the 03 September issue of The New Yorker, but The Better Half had been singing their praises for months now. Anyway, what was I saying?, oh yeah, here it is: The Next Big Thing. And remember you heard it here first…well, sort of. http://tinyurl.com/2699cr

3. Yuvraj Singh Hits Six Sixes. And to think I was somewhat sarcastic to him when we ran into each other at Bombay…sorry Mumbai International Airport in February. http://tinyurl.com/yrxeqq

4. Ulrich Mühe in The Lives of Others. I regret not watching this film last year so I could have included his superb performance in the Should Win section of the Best Actor Oscar in my Annual Oscar Guide. The tragedy is that he died soon after the film won the Best Foreign Film Oscar earlier this year, robbing the world of a rare talent on the cusp of much bigger things. http://tinyurl.com/yqmgbl

5. “Is There a Ghost” by Band of Horses. The…catchiest…song…ever…this…year… http://www.myspace.com/bandofhorses

6. The Horrid Henry Series by Francesca Simon. A tart series of children’s books centered on a loveably unlikable young boy that dares to pierce through the precious romanticism of the perfect family life. No wonder no American publisher has dared print it Stateside. http://www.horridhenry.co.uk/

7. Green Street Hooligans on DVD. The only movie that will make you want to give it all up, fly to England, join a Football Gang…sorry Firm…and kick the living sh*t out of someone. http://tinyurl.com/2exmde

8. The Riot Squad. On the other hand, if you don’t want to go to England, you can always go watch a LA Galaxy game in Section 138…with The Riot Squad (after all, portly, upper –middle class White guys make the perfect Football…sorry Soccer hooligans). Sing with me now (to the tune of Oh My Darling, Clementine): “Who’s your father? / Who’s your father? / Who’s your father referee? / You don’t have one / You don’t have one / ‘Cause you’re a ba*tard, referee…” http://tinyurl.com/24vjtc

9. Writer's Block by Peter Bjorn and John. I know this is a little late but thanks to my colleague Matt Matyas, I can tell you that the album is a lot better than the annoyingly ubiquitous lead single “Young Folks” would have you believe. http://tinyurl.com/2z792r

10. Def Leppard with Foreigner and Styx at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater. This is probably what my life would have been like had I lived here in the 80s…sweet! http://tinyurl.com/2dbq85

One to Watch: A Favorite Director Trading on Past Glories

The Darjeeling Limited

Directed by: Wes Anderson

Starring: Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman, and the Great Irrfan Khan

Plot: Three estranged brothers go to India to try and repair their relationships. How-novel-going-to-India-to-discover-yourself type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Rushmore is my favorite movie of the last 15 years or so. Heck, it will probably be in my Top 10 Movies of all time…once I get around to watching some real movies by real directors so the rest of my Top 10 looks legit. You know, movies by Ingmar Bergman…Michelangelo Antonioni…Federico Fellini…Yasujiro Ozu…Roberto Rossellini…Mrinal Sen…Robert Bresson…Eric Rohmer…John Cassavetes…Claude Chabrol…Michael Powell…Emeric Pressburger…Andrei Tarkovsky…Rainer Werner Fassbinder…Kenji Mizoguchi…Luchino Visconti…

Bottom Line: Me, and Others with Fond Memories of Rushmore: Theatres – Eventually; DVD; Other, More Realistic People: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Rushmore; Bottle Rocket; The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

One to Watch: What An Actor Really Wants To Do is Direct

Into the Wild

Directed by: Sean Penn (Yes, That Sean Penn)

Starring: Emile Hirsch, William Hurt, Catherine Keener, Marcia Gay Harden, Hal Holbrook

Plot: An idealist young college graduate turns his back on civilized society to venture into the Great American Wild. How-novel-going-into-Nature-to-discover-yourself type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: My USC classmate Dave “Marmageddon” Marmor told me that Into the Wild was the one book more than any other that he would have wanted to make into a film. The fact that project was stuck in development meant that if he could just hang in there…just make it a little longer...if he could just…oh never mind, a self-serious Oscar-winning actor scooped it out from right under his nose. I would commiserate…but I live with a major fan of the book…and I need to finish it in the next couple of days otherwise The Better Half is going to watch the movie without me. That’s how she rolls, yo.

Bottom Line: The Better Half and Other Fans of the Book: Theatres – First Week; Other, Less Literary Types: Theatres – Eventually

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Deliverance; The Blair Witch Project; Touching the Void

One to Watch: A Favorite Director Tries to Make New Glories

Lust, Caution

Directed by: Ang Lee

Starring: Tony Leung Chiu-Wai, Tang Wei, Joan Chen, Wang Lee Hom, Anupam Kher

Plot: A young woman finds herself drawn into a web of international espionage when she has a torrid affair with a mysterious man. Didn’t-his-mysteriousness-tip-her-off? type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: I don’t think there is any director who hops around the world (forget genres) as much as Lee does. Of course, the film caused quite a stir when it was slapped with the dreaded NC-17 rating…and the studio didn’t bat an eyelid. A Hollywood studio actually allowing a director to fulfill his vision while sacrificing ticket sales? Now, that is unheard of.

Bottom Line: Theatres – Eventually

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Eat Drink Man Woman; Brokeback Mountain

One to Watch: The Greatest Living Cinematographer

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Directed by: Andrew Dominik

Starring: Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Sam Shepard, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel

Plot: A famous outlaw is targeted for assassination by one of his own gang members. It’s-always-the-one-you-don’t-see-coming type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Roger Deakins, quite simply, is the greatest living cinematographer. I mean, not only does he have this Oscar-baiter in the bag, but he’s also responsible for shooting In the Valley of Elah and the upcoming No Country for Old Men (ooh, The Coen Brothers and Javier Bardem…can’t wait!). He could have three of the five nominations in the Cinematography category at next year’s Oscars. What a man!

Bottom Line: Theatres – Eventually

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): House of Sand and Fog; A Beautiful Mind; The Man Who Wasn’t There; Thirteen Days; The Hurricane; The Siege; The Big Lebowski; Kundun; Courage Under Fire; Fargo; Dead Man Walking; The Shawshank Redemption; The Hudsucker Proxy; The Secret Garden; Passion Fish; Thunderheart; Barton Fink; Sid and Nancy; Nineteen Eighty-Four (Told you he was the greatest cinematographer, ever…living that is.)

One to Watch: A Radical Director Gets Shafted By the Studio

Across the Universe

Directed by: Julie Taymor

Starring: Evan Rachel Wood, Jim Sturgess, and Lots of Celebrity Cameos

Plot: A young boy from Liverpool gets caught up in the political upheaval transforming America in the 1960s. Let-me-guess-he-probably-sees-the-world-through-Beatles-songs type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: This is what happened. Apparently Joe Roth, the head of Revolution Studios was not happy with director Taymor’s version of the film. So, since he is a former director himself, he took it away from her, re-cut it himself, and then had that version tested. Hmm, let’s see, on the one hand you have the man responsible for such cinematic gems as Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise and Christmas with the Kranks and on the other you have the woman who revitalized Broadway with her re-imagining of The Lion King and then went on to such visually arresting films as Titus and Frida. Don’t you just love Hollywood?

Bottom Line: DVD [The Director’s Cut]

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Titus; Frida; Yellow Submarine

Ones to Consider: “Chick” Flicks As Counter-Programmers

Feast of Love

Directed by: Robert Benton

Starring: Morgan Freeman, Greg Kinnear, Selma Blair, Radha Mitchell, Missi Pyle, Fred Ward

Plot: An interconnected group of people tries to find the true meaning of love. Something-tells-me-they-find-it type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Apparently when Freeman made Nurse Betty he said that it was the first time he had ever had an on-screen kiss. I hope he gets another one in this little ensemble romantic comedy.

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Love Actually; The Big Chill; Diner

The Jane Austen Book Club

Directed by: Robin Swicord

Starring: Emily Blunt, Maria Bello, Kathy Baker, Lynn Redgrave, Amy Brenneman, Jimmy Smits

Plot: An interconnected group of Jane Austen Book Club members tries to find the true meaning of love. Now-we’re-making-Jane-Austen-movies-about-people-reading-Jane-Austen-books?! type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Blunt came this close to stealing The Devil Wears Prada (only a determined Meryl Streep stood in her way). I was hoping that the following film would establish her as a real movie star. Too bad the studio decided to dump it on way too few screens for it make any kind of impact. I guess that same lapse in judgment that led her to dating Michael Bublé probably guided her choice in agents.

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Pride and Prejudice [TV]; Clueless; Mansfield Park

Ones to Consider: Little Movies to Catch on DVD

Outsourced

Directed by: John Jeffcoat

Starring: Josh Hamilton, Ayesha Dharker

Plot: An American must travel to India to train the replacements for his outsourced job. How-novel-going-to-Corporate-India-to-discover-yourself type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: My old school friend Rishi Raj and his wife Nandini saw this little movie at a film festival out there in The Great North (i.e. Canada) and they both assured me that it was a very funny movie and told me that I should check out when it came Stateside. I will most definitely do that…once it makes it perfunctory one-screen stop in Manhattan followed by its rightful place on my Netflix queue.

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): The River (1951); Gunga Din; A Passage to India

The Last Winter

Directed by: Larry Fessenden

Starring: Ron Perlman, James LeGros, Connie Britton

Plot: Unseen forces torment a team of explorers looking to exploit Alaska’s oil resources. Man-those-environmentalists-will-do-anything-to-protect-Alaska type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: It’s not that unusual for a small, independent film to score a 68 on Metacritic (Generally Favorable Reviews) and a 78% on Rotten Tomatoes (Certified Fresh), but it is fairly unusual when that small, independent film is a horror film. I’ve already saved it in Netflix – you should too.

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): The Thing (1982); The Thing from Another World (1951); Insomnia (1997)

Movies

The Kingdom

Directed by: Peter Berg

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Jeremy Piven, the excellent Ashraf Barhom, and the great Richard Jenkins

Plot: A team of FBI investigators goes into Saudi Arabia to investigate a bomb blast on an American compound. Something-tells-me-CSI:-Middle-East-won’t-be-coming-to-a-television-set-near-you-anytime-soon type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: I know in the back of my mind that this is probably not going to be very good – but I like Berg, I like the actors, and I’m intrigued by the milieu the characters find themselves in (especially given the current political realities in the Middle East). That’s good enough for me.

Bottom Line: Me, and Other People Who Really Should Know Better: Theatres – Eventually; Other People Who Do Know Better: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Lawrence of Arabia; Kingdom of Heaven; El Cid

The Game Plan

Directed by: Andy Fickman

Starring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Kyra Sedgwick, Roselyn Sanchez, Morris Chestnut

Plot: A high-living quarterback is thrown for a loop when he discovers that he has a little daughter. Something-tells-they-both-learn-from-each other type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: It worked for Eddie Murphy (Doctor Dolittle [1998]; Daddy Day Care); it worked for Ice Cube (Are We There Yet?); heck it even worked for Vin Diesel (The Pacifier). And, because I do like The Rock (I’m telling you, he’s a better movie star/actor than he is given credit for), I would never begrudge his turning to a family comedy to help a flagging career.

Bottom Line: Those With Families Looking For Something To Do Together: Theatres – Eventually; Other, More Lonely People: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): Friday Night Lights; Brian’s Song; Any Given Sunday

Resident Evil: Extinction

Directed by: Russell Mulcahy

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Oded Fehr, Ali Larter, Mike Epps, Ashanti

Plot: A motley crew of survivors tries to destroy a virus that turns people into brain-dead zombies. It’s-called-television-people type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: The Better Half likes Jovovich (even though I preferred Sienna Guillory from the second film in this trilogy – Resident Evil: Apocalypse). I like Fehr. Now, we can both indulge in our Girl/Man Crush at the same time. Talk about a happy marriage!

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Resident Evil: Apocalypse; Resident Evil; 28 Days Later

Good Luck Chuck

Directed by: Mark Helfrich

Starring: Dane Cook, Jessica Alba, Dan Fogler

Plot: A young man tries to rebuff the advances of a comely marine biologist because all the women he dates end up leaving him for their eventual husbands. He-should-try-listening-once-in-a-while type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: I still can’t figure out why Cook is being handed one leading man role after another, but apparently Men 18 – 24 think he’s funny, which is probably what makes him so desirable to demographically-minded studio executives. Um, news flash guys, Cook is not the reason these Men 18 – 24 bought $13.6 million worth of movie tickets its opening weekend…

Bottom Line: Men 18 – 24: DVD; Other, More Sensible People: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): Sin City; Into the Blue; Dark Angel [TV]

Trade

Directed by: Marco Kreuzpaintner

Starring: Kevin Kline, Cesar Ramos, Tim Reid

Plot: A policeman tries to break up a human trafficking ring. Not-quite-the-free-trade-NAFTA-had-in-mind type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Sounds intriguing, and Kline is always worth checking out…on Netflix.

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Spartan; Not Without My Daughter; Fast Food Nation

Sydney White

Directed by: Joe

Starring: Amanda Bynes

Plot: A dark haired beauty finds herself living with seven young dorks. Yes-it-is-a-modern-retelling-of-an-old-fairy-tale type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Director Nussbaum is a USC alum, and is responsible for one of the funniest movies I saw while I piled up student loans at that institution: the legendary short George Lucas in Love. Somehow I think he expected more from his feature directing career than movies like this, Sleepover, and American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile.

Bottom Line: Those with Tweenage Girls in Need of Positive Role Models: DVD; Other People with Less Drama in Their Lives: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): George Lucas in Love; Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs; Ever After: A Cinderella Story

The Top 10 Movies of 2007

Ratatouille [Tie]

Sunshine [Tie]

3:10 To Yuma

SiCKO

The Bourne Ultimatum

Eastern Promises (new entry)

300

Zodiac

Hairspray

La Vie en Rose

Eklavya

Top 10 Films Out Right Now That I Positively Have to See

The Darjeeling Limited

Into the Wild

Lust, Caution

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

No End in Sight

Across the Universe

In the Valley of Elah

The Kingdom

Superbad

Resident Evil: Extinction