The Film Guide: Teambuilding II - Or The Story of My Life

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Teambuilding II: Or The Story of My Life

I was recently involved in something called a Vertical Offsite. Now, since we were actually at my company’s headquarters for this event, I guess technically it was an onsite. As for the Vertical, well, you’re guess is as good as mine.

In any case, the essential part of any self-respecting corporate retreat is the all-important teambuilding event. Something that brings us all together and teaches us, once and for all, the supreme importance of functioning as one unit.

So naturally this year they chose go-karting.

After all there’s nothing like intense individual competition where it’s in everyone’s best interests to bump each other, push each other, crash into each other, sneak by during a caution, and get to the finish line before anyone else to drive the concept of self-sacrificing-for-the-greater-good collaboration home.

The evening got off to a bad start when I approached a female teammate from another office.

“When’re you due?” I asked sweetly.

“I’m not,” she replied definitely.

“Oh,” I said taking a moment to realize the severity of my faux pas, “Oh…”

I think if people weren’t around she would’ve kneed me where it hurts, really, really hurts.

I tried to improve the situation.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” I tried explaining, “The only reason I even thought you were pregnant was because you weren’t going to go-kart with the rest of us, it wasn’t because you’ve…”

Oh…my…God…Basu…you…idiot!

“…put on some weight since I last saw you.”

My head was spinning. I had already been involved in a long conversation with an Englishman who was convinced that I was the “Guy from India” who had spent some time on the phone with him the week before discussing strategy (it turned out to be the “Other” guy from India – I didn’t have the heart to correct him). I had even made the mistake of congratulating someone on an award that she wasn’t supposed to know she had won until the official presentation the next day.

I rushed out to the track to try and escape from the catastrophes behind me. I figured that the only way to redeem myself was to get on the podium.

The race started and immediately I found myself trailing a couple of kids zooming ahead of me. No worries, I would just have to hang on to my position and I would be guaranteed a spot in the Top 3.

I could feel a couple of my teammates right on my tail (it was hard to identify anyone in their racing suits and helmets), but I was determined to hold them off. I felt the usual assortment of “love” taps, bumping, and side-swiping (explicitly forbidden by the rules – but hey, it was a winner-take-all kinda deal, and no one wanted to be the one who took nothing) but I kept going…

…and going…and going…and going…

It was getting hot, really hot. The fumes were making it hard to breathe. My arms were aching, my feet were hurting, my back was failing from the effort it took to navigate the turns on those little speed-demons commonly referred to as go-karts.

The two karts in front seemed to be getting further away from me, and the two karts directly behind were getting a little to close for comfort. Not to mention the thundering herd that was just behind the two, smelling blood, waiting to pounce at my first sign of weakness.

It was then that I saw it. The white flag. One lap left. I could feel my battered body ease up just a little. A podium finish. I was this close. Images of bonuses, raises and promotions danced in my head (That had to be the reason we were doing this right? Our lap times would be included in our performance evaluation right? This was the purpose of the team-building event – to separate the men/women from the boys/girls, the wheat from the chaff, the steak from the sizzle…)

I completed the lap. But there was no flag. The race kept going.

It was then that I realized the flag I had seen was actually for the other track.

I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I ran into the wall and waited for help. The track attendant came over and started pushing me back on the track when I grabbed his arm. He saw the defeated look in my eyes, my aged body perspiring profusely in defeat, and he knew in the same way a matador knows when he has conquered his bull, that I was done.

I slowly walked across the track, aware of the pitying eyes burning holes in my back. I stumbled into the locker room and sat down, head between my knees (not because of any metaphysical defeat; I really was close to passing out).

Not much later the others filed by, trying not to make eye contact with their fallen comrade, afraid that the smell of failure would somehow taint their own careers (literally, I was sweating quite a bit, I didn’t smell good).

The Winner of the race walked up to me and handed me the race report.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I just couldn’t do it anymore. At my age I shouldn’t be expected to go through something like that.” I responded with some shame.

“Oh,” he said, realization dawning on his face, ”So you just gave up…”

He pointed to the match report.

“And there was only one lap left. One lap.”

He left me to mull this over. I was just one lap away from success but had instead taken the easy way out and given up; a neon-bright warnings sign to Upper Management who were studying how we handled adversity and which of us rose to the occasion and which of us, obviously, did not.

The Winner stopped at the exit and turned around one last time.

“You said that at your age you shouldn’t be expected to go through this?”

I nodded.

“Well,” he took a dramatic pause and said (right before he took a dramatic turn and walked out…also quite dramatically): “I am nine years older than you.”

That, right there, was the story of my life.

I guess there will be no Christmas…sorry Holiday, Holiday Bonus for me this year.

The basu! Guide to the Movies

(The Fall-Films-Are-Coming-Fast-And-Furious-Now! Edition)

05 October – 12 October 2007

The b! List

Ten things that are the best, ever (currently)!

1. My AIDS Walk LA Sponsors. Thank you to everyone who took the time and made the effort to sponsor me for the 2007 AIDS Walk LA. Because of your generosity I was forced to actually follow through on my word and walk the whole 6 miles. And thanks to my team, I couldn’t find any place to make a clean getaway and bail out. Thanks a lot everyone! http://www.aidswalk.net/losangeles/

2. The Colorado Rockies. 21 – 1. That means they have won 21 of their last 22 games! Could they become Baseball’s answer to the Golden State Warriors? Probably not – unlike the Warriors no one on this team has a best friend dating Jessica Alba. http://tinyurl.com/2xtn3g

3. “Flux” by Bloc Party. Who said dance-rock was dead? But seriously, couldn’t they have put this on A Weekend in the City? I smell a “Special Edition” coming to a CD store near you. http://tinyurl.com/2ax6al

4. In Rainbows by Radiohead. Okay, fine, I paid a paltry $2…I honestly thought they were also going to put out a regular CD, and I was going to pay full price for that. I had no idea that the only two options were the name-your-own-price downloads or the $80 “discbox.” I feel bad, I really do. http://www.inrainbows.com/

5. matt pond PA at The Troubadour. Great show, great venue, great crowd (which included the Crump-Harrys, Matt and Juliane), and great band (they posed for photographs afterwards and were extremely friendly…with The Better Half). http://tinyurl.com/yw9qt8

6. “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson. Thanks to my co-worker Priscilla Lau, I now realize that the Suzanne Vega-sounding song I heard on that commercial is not, in fact, Suzanne Vega, but Ingrid Michaelson. You learn something new everyday. http://tinyurl.com/2dbxjs

7. Andrew Symonds. The Australian all-rounder responded to the vicious, racist chants he had to endure at Vadodara, Gujarat (of course, it had to be Gujarat) by single-handedly thrashing India in the next ODI to seal the series. Serves ‘em right I say. http://tinyurl.com/29kcge

8. David Nalbandian Wins the Madrid Masters. The quixotic Argentine (Argentinean?) pulled a Novak Djokovic by beating the Top 3 Seeds to win the tournament: No. 3 Djokovic (irony alert); No. 2 Rafael Nadal; and then coming back from a set down to defeat World No. 1 Roger Federer in the finals to win the whole darn thing. http://tinyurl.com/2yargh

9. Boston Sports Teams. The New England Patriots; the Boston Red Sox; the Boston College Eagles; and the newly revived Boston Celtics…it’s a good time to be in…uh, Boston. http://www.cityofboston.gov/

10. Black Watch. I can’t remember the last time I went to a play and actually felt something, literally. Of course, I can’t remember the last time I went to a play… http://tinyurl.com/28kz8h

One to Watch: One of My Professors Made a Movie

Golda’s Balcony

Directed by: Jeremy Kagan

Starring: Valerie Harper

Plot: A look at the late Israeli Prime Minister’s rise to power. A-novel-approach-to-the-filmed-play type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: All the way through USC people told me I had to take Kagan’s class. I always meant to, and I finally managed to do it right before I left. So, there was all this taking and discussion about the theory of acting and stuff, and then we brought in some actors to do a scene, and then Kagan stepped in after the first read-through and started working with the actors and then it was like “Woh.” Right there, all those years of paying that USC tuition finally became worth it.

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): The Chosen; Munich; One Day in September

One to Watch: A Natural Film Debut

Control

Directed by: Anton Corbijn

Starring: Sam Riley, Samantha Morton, Craig Parkinson

Plot: A biopic detailing the tragic life of the lead singer of Joy Division. Apparently-love-will-tear-us-apart type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: You know that kick-a** cover of U2’s The Joshua Tree? Well Corbijn shot that. So it’s no wonder his feature film debut is a beautifully photographed, haunting, black and white biopic about that tragically short life of a misunderstood pop star.

Bottom Line: Theatres – Eventually

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): La Bamba; Ray; Walk the Line

Ones to Watch: Interesting Documentaries by Unexpected Directors

Terror's Advocate

Directed by: Barbet Schroeder

Starring: Jacques Vergès, and A Who’s-Who of the World’s Most Famous Villains

Plot: A documentary about the lawyer who has dared to defend some of the most infamous people in history. Something-tells-me-he’s-not-going-to-be-the-toast-of-the-Bar-Association type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Single White Female; Kiss of Death (1995); Desperate Measures…this is not quite the body of work that would be expected to produce an absorbing documentary portrait of the lawyer who dares to defend some of the worst people in the history of the world.

Trivia: He makes a wonderful little cameo as The Mechanic in The Darjeeling Limited (loved that flickering moment of sadness on his face when he says “Jimmy Whitman, he’s dead?”).

Bottom Line: Those Lucky Few in Manhattan: Theatres – Eventually; Other, Less Fortunate Souls: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Barfly; Single White Female; Our Lady of the Assassins

Lake of Fire

Directed by: Tony Kaye

Starring: Noam Chomsky, Alan M. Dershowitz

Plot: A documentary looks at both sides of the abortion debate without taking sides. Something-tells-me-this-will-be-contentious type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Kaye was the former commercial director who made his feature debut with American History X. That movie, of course, went down in Hollywood infamy for the bitter behind-the-scenes wrangling that went on after principal photography was completed. Star Edward Norton took the film away and re-edited it to make himself look good (a terrifying portent of things to come). And Kaye, bless his rebellious little heart, paid for a full-page ad in Variety taking the studio, producers, and especially that little weasel Norton to task. I, for one, applaud that rebellious spirit, that strength of character needed to not take sh*t lying down, that special confidence to not conform…oh wait, he never made another feature again…what was he thinking?!

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Citizen Ruth; Knocked Up; American History X

Ones to Watch: Sidney Lumet-Lite*

Michael Clayton

Directed by: Tony Gilroy

Starring: George Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Tilda Swinton, Sydney Pollack

Plot: A “fixer” working for a large corporate firm gets in over his head when he actually tries to do the right thing. A-corporate-lawyer-trying-to-the-do-the-right-thing?-Now-I’ve-heard-everything type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: The Better Half really likes Clooney, really likes him. I mean, I like Clooney, but I can chalk that one up to a Man-Crush. What’s her excuse? Fine, I’ll just indulge my Girl-Crush on the great Swinton and my Man-Crush on the great Wilkinson. Let’s see how she likes it.

Bottom Line: The Better Half and Other Huge Fans of George Clooney: Theatre – First Week; Me, and Other Huge Fans of Tilda Swinton and Tom Wilkinson: Theatres – First Week; Other, Less Sensible People: Theatres – Eventually

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): A Civil Action; Erin Brockovich; A Dry White Season

We Own the Night

Directed by: James Gray

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Mark Wahlberg, Eva Mendes, Robert Duvall

Plot: Two brothers on opposite sides of the law finally have to make the choice between business and family. Sounds-like-this-would-make-a-great-Bollywood-movie type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Great title. Great cast. Great concept. Script…subtlety…nuance…originality…that’s chick stuff…this is a man’s movie…a 1970s-style man’s man movie…and trust me…you won’t need any of that weak stuff.

Bottom Line: Me, and Other Manly Men: Theatres – Eventually; Other People with More Feminine Traits Like Good Taste: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): The Yards; Little Odessa; Heat

*Of course, the 80-something Sidney Lumet has his own Oscar-baiting, film-festival-pleasing movie coming towards the end of the year: Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, Albert Finney, Ethan Hawke, and Marisa Tomei. I, for one, will be waiting! [Dude, the guy’s 83 and he’s still making great movies!]

One to Watch: A Clive Owen Movie

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Directed by: Shekhar Kapur

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Clive Owen, Geoffrey Rush, Rhys Ifans, Samantha Morton, and Abbie Cornish (the girl Ryan Phillippe left Reese Witherspoon for)

Plot: The Queen of England must contend with crises from within her court as well as from international forces. No-Helen-Mirren-is-not-in-this-one type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: You know what, I don’t care that this film got a 26 on Rotten Tomatoes and a 45 on MetaCritic. Film critics – what do they know?.

Bottom Line: Me, and Other Fans of Clive Owen: Theatres – Eventually; Other, Less Sensible People: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Elizabeth; The Queen; Elizabeth I [TV]

One to Watch: A Ryan Gosling Movie

Lars and the Real Girl

Directed by: Craig Gillespie

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Emily Mortimer, Patricia Clarkson, Paul Schneider, Kelli Garner

Plot: A young man’s family becomes concerned when he starts dating a life-size doll. A-pretty-plastic-woman-with-no-discernible-personality…why-she-must-be-from-Orange-County type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: There are two kinds of Gosling fans. There are those, like my colleague Bon Mercado and giggly teenage girls the world over, who like him from The Notebook. And there are those like me and discerning adults everywhere who like him from movies like The Believer (where he played a Jewish skinhead); Murder by Numbers (where he played a serial killer); and Half Nelson (where he played a school teacher addicted to heroin). Which camp do you want to belong to? (Choose No. 2…No. 2!)

Bottom Line: Me, and Others in Camp No. 2: Theatres – Eventually; Bon Mercado, Giggly Teenage Girls, and Others in Camp No. 1: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Mannequin (1987); The Believer; Half Nelson; The Notebook

One to Watch: Caine Law Pinter Branagh

Sleuth

Directed by: Kenneth Branagh (Yes, that Kenneth Branagh)

Written by: Harold Pinter (Based on the original play by Anthony Shaffer)

Starring: Michael Caine, Jude Law

Plot: A millionaire tries to ensnare the actor who is having an affair with his wife only to have the tables turned on him. Hmm-let-me-see-could-a-game-of-Cat-and-Mouse-ensue? type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: The poster says it all: Caine Law Pinter Branagh.

Bottom Line: Me and Other Fans of Caine Law Pinter Branagh: Theatres – Eventually; Other People Less Likely to Pretend Literary Sophistication: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Sleuth (1972); Henry V (1989); The Tailor of Panama

One to Watch: It’s Tyler Perry’s World, We Just Live In It

Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married?

Directed by: Tyler Perry (duh)

Starring: Tyler Perry, Janet Jackson (Yes, that Janet Jackson), Jill Scott, Sharon Leal

Plot: A group of friends must deal with the issues surrounding each of their marriages during their annual getaway. Even-when-you-try-to-get-away-from-it-all-you-can’t-get-away-from-it-all type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Who is Tyler Perry you ask? Well, he’s the man who managed to outgross by 2 – 1 a movie starring George Clooney that had received nothing but universal critical acclaim…that’s who!

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion; Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls

Movies

The Heartbreak Kid

Directed by: Peter Farrelly and Bobby Farrelly

Starring: Ben Stiller, Jerry Stiller, Michelle Monaghan, Rob Corddry, Malin Akerman

Plot: A hastily-married husband finds himself falling for another woman…during his honeymoon. Sometimes-the-honeymoon-is-over-before-the-honeymoon-is…over type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: After all that very public back-and-forth between Jeffrey Katzenberg and the Viacom honcho regarding giving due credit to DreamWorks for essentially saving Paramount’s behind, Brad Grey hustled to placate Steven Spielberg and David Geffen (trust me, you wouldn’t want to get on his bad side), but notating DreamWorks films in the box office report. And the first film up to bat was a much-anticipated Farrelly Brothers/Stiller R-rated comedy. I am sure there were visions of There’s Something About Mary dancing in their heads. All was good in Paramount-DreamWorks Land…until the weekend box office report was released, and the remake of the 1972 Elaine May film sank like a stone. Oh well, at least they have the Transformers DVD release to look forward to.

Bottom Line: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): The Heartbreak Kid (1972); Kingpin; Me, Myself & Irene

The Good Night

Directed by: Jake Paltrow

Starring: Martin Freeman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Penélope Cruz, Simon Pegg, Danny DeVito

Plot: A distressed former musician begins sleeping more than usual after falling in love with the girl in his dreams. Talk-about-meeting-the-girl-of-your-dreams-in-your-dreams type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: I know I make fun of our Gwynie all the time, but you have to give her credit, she totally helps her family out. First, she was in her dad Bruce’s movie Duets (which featured a great, um, duet, with the great Huey Lewis) and now she’s helping li’l bro Jake out. Good for her.

Bottom Line: DVD

Other Movies to Check Out (as well): Duets; Seven; The Royal Tenenbaums

Finishing the Game

Directed by: Justin Lin

Starring: Roger Fan, Dustin Nguyen, Sung Kang, Ron Jeremy (Yes, that Ron Jeremy)

Plot: A studio looks for someone to fill in for Bruce Lee after the star dies during filming. Dude-Bruce-Lee-is-irreplaceable type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: This sounds like a great movie right? So what if the reviews have been less than stellar, any Bruce Lee fan worth his/her salt will want to check this movie out…when it makes its way to your Netflix queue.

Bottom Line: Me, and Other Bruce Lee Fans: DVD; Other, Less Sensible People: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): Enter the Dragon; Fists of Fury; Game of Death

The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising

Directed by: David L. Cunningham

Starring: Alexander Ludwig, Ian McShane, Christopher Eccleston, Frances Conroy

Plot: A young boy finds out that he is the last line of defense stopping the forces of evil from taking over the world. Stop-me-if-you’ve-heard-this-one-before type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: I know I denigrate Paramount all the time, but honestly, Fox is becoming quite the penny-pinching franchise-film machine. Their “franchise” films tend to be of the very cheap, B-movie variety (Eragon; Fantastic Four; etc.), and so it’s no surprise this entry into the young-adult fantasy genre is more of the same. The X-Men franchise would have been a notable exception…but they decided to turn the reins over to Brett “The Hack” Ratner. Watch your back Paramount, Fox is gaining on you for the prestigious title of Worst Studio, Ever!

Bottom Line: Families with Young Adults: Pass [Have Them Read the Books Instead]; Other, Less Stressed Out People: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Night Watch: Nochnoi Dozor

Feel the Noise

Directed by: Alejandro Chomski

Starring: Omarion Grandberry, Giancarlo Esposito, Melonie Diaz

Plot: An aspiring rapper from Harlem finds the perfect place to pursue his ambitions, in Puerto Rico. I-assume-some-amount-of-singing-and-dancing-will-happen type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Look, J-Lo, I know you want to be a big-shot movie producer, but dude, Reggaeton was so 2005. C’mon, get with the program.

Bottom Line: Tweenagers a Little Behind the Times: DVD; Other, Hipper People: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): Flashdance; Save the Last Dance; Step Up

The Final Season

Directed by: David M. Evans

Starring: Sean Astin, Powers Boothe, Rachael Leigh Cook

Plot: A true story of a small-town baseball team trying to overcome insurmountable odds. Something-tells-me-they-make-it type complications ensue.

The basu! Buzz: Why would I waste my time on an uplifting real-life story of a baseball team that wins despite the odds being stacked against them when I can watch the Colorado Rockies? Wait a minute…

Bottom Line: Those Who Need True Uplifting Sports Stories Because Their Own Teams Are Not Doing Well: DVD; Other, Non-Indian Cricket Team Fans: Pass

Other Movies to Check Out (instead): Rudy; The Rookie; Remember the Titans; Radio

The Top 10 Movies of 2007

Ratatouille [Tie]

Sunshine [Tie]

Into the Wild (new entry)

3:10 To Yuma

SiCKO

The Bourne Ultimatum

Eastern Promises

Michael Clayton (new entry)

300

Zodiac

The Darjeeling Limited (new entry) [Caveat: This is not a terribly good movie – I just happen to be a sentimental old fool]

Top 10 Films Out Right Now That I Positively Have to See

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Lust, Caution

Control

Across the Universe

We Own the Night

Lars and the Real Girl

Sleuth

No End in Sight

Superbad